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<title>The Book of Georgenesis by CelesteFitzgerald, sclerant (rufusrant)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402119">The Book of Georgenesis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteFitzgerald/pseuds/CelesteFitzgerald'>CelesteFitzgerald</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufusrant/pseuds/sclerant'>sclerant (rufusrant)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Beatles (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, M/M, includes illustrations, seriously this is VERY cracky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:14:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteFitzgerald/pseuds/CelesteFitzgerald, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufusrant/pseuds/sclerant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the beginning, there was shit. Then God said, "LET THERE BE STARRISON."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>George Harrison/Ringo Starr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Book of Georgenesis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This isn't intended to make fun of anyone's religion, this is just a crackfic. Also this is Celeste's 300th fic on ao3, so that's neato. </p><p>due to ceensorship issues and rufusrant’s bad knowledge of anatomy, all ding dongs and dongos have been ceensored. enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>in the beginning, there was shit. actually, there WASN’T shit. there was only god. goddamn.</p><p>one day god decided to make shit. except it wasn’t shit. it was awesome. becuz god said so bitches. so he made a whole fukin universe. and way off to the side of the universe he made a teeny weeny ball of rock called:</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strike>starrison land</strike> EARTH.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>on the earth he made lots o’ plants and animals and fungi and dinoflagellates and archaea and all the other good stuff. but not all at the same time becuz not even god can escape the terrible disease that is procrastination. but eventually he put it all together (except the stuff that went extinct lmao whoopsie) and declared it perfect. nothing could ever cause problems on this masterpiece of creation.</p><p>so god pushed his luck and made humans. what could go wrong?</p><p>the genesis of humanity began with a bruh named george. georgenesis. but god got tired of saying such a long name so he renamed him joj.</p><p>“hi joj” god said.</p><p>“hare Krishna”</p><p>“wow didn’t think I’d be betrayed so fast but ok then. how YOU doin?”</p><p>joj looked around. “im all aloneeeeeeeeee.” he began to cry</p><p>“o shit.” god said. “guess I gotta make him a nice friendly buddy to be platonic friends with.” but first god put a convenient little leaf over joj’s ding dong so his buddio wouldn’t have to see it.</p><p>then god made another bruh and named him bongo. god made him to be the cuddliest friend ever—bigass blue eyes, bigass cute nose, and oH SHIT HE FUCKED UP, THAT WAS A BIGASS DING DONG. oh boy, god had to fix that. he stuck a big ass bush over bongo’s dongo and said “eh good enough.”</p><p>then he presented bongo to joj. “tada! here is your new bestie. say hi to bongo, joj.”</p><p>“oh hi bong-woahhhhhhhh, what is THAT???” joj said, staring starry-eyed at bongo’s busho.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“nnnnooooOOOOOOOOOOO” god crieded, pushing joj away. “you’re not allowed to look at that.”</p><p>“why nottttttt??”</p><p>“becuz uhhhh…you 2 are the caretakers of this beautiful planet. or garden. or whatever this is. and you need to be super focused on your job or it’ll all DIE. you can’t get distracted by licking the dick,” god lied. really he just didn’t want joj to see his (hah) BIG mistake.</p><p>“lick the dick?” joj echoed.</p><p>“NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!”</p><p>“jesus christ” joj said even though he didn’t know who tf that was, “fine I won’t lick the dick, now chill brah.”</p><p>“ok good. see ya.” god floated away yayyyy.</p><p>and then</p><p>joj and bongo</p><p>were ALONE</p><p>………………………….</p><p>“wanna caretake and chill?” bongo asked.</p><p>“sure. that sounds totally innocent and not at all like something that will end in dick licking,” joj said.</p><p>then they caretook. caretaked? I dunno man, ask god. but joj couldn’t stop looking at bongo’s bush. he wanted to seeeeeeeeeee.</p><p>“whatchu starin at?” bongo asked.</p><p>“uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh………..”</p><p>“god said no looky and no licky.”</p><p>“but ur already so preeeeetty, I bet the rest of you is pretty too.” joj batted his eyelashes and hit a grand slam.</p><p>“……fine. but we gots ta be quietsies about this. and you gotta show me your leaf too.”</p><p>“HELLS YEAH.” joj ripped off his leaf, and his ding dong went SPROING right up.</p><p>“oh me oh my.” bongo’s bush started shaking, then it caught on fire because joj was so hot. if I was still catholic I’d remember what the burning bush was actually about, but I’m not so now it’s about STARRISON IN LUV.</p><p>the bush burned away and they both looked down at bongo’s GIANT FUCKING DICK.</p><p>“wooooaaaahhhhhh” joj said as drool dripped from his mouth.</p><p>“woooooaaaahhhhhh” bongo said cuz he’d never seen his own dick either. “is this good?”</p><p>“yesssssssssssss.” joj was so excitededed!!! but………… “what do we do with them?”</p><p>“……uh……..” bongo didn’t know either. “try licking it?”</p><p>“I hope it tastes good.” it didn’t.</p><p>but bongo let out such a big MOAN that the trees shook and dropped all their leaves. “do that again.”</p><p>“ok” joj did more licky licky, and after a few minutes some gooey crap shot out of bongo’s dick while bongo shook and gasped so hard that his legs gave out and he flopped to the ground. “what happened????” joj screamed. did he kill bongo????</p><p>“GIMME YOUR DICK.” bongo said. “I WANNA LICK YOU TOO.”</p><p>“OK. THEN WHAT???”</p><p>“EVERYTHING. we gotta stick our dicks everywhere until we pass out.”</p><p>“HELL YEAH.”</p><p>then they fucked each other in every position imaginable, laughing at god’s stupid rule the whole time.</p><p>
  
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</p><p>then god came back…….</p><p>“well hello there my good ol’ platonic bois………….OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? wait I’M god, why am I saying ‘oh my god?’”</p><p>“uhhhhhhhh,” bongo grabbed a leaf from the ground to cover his dongo, but the leaf was too small.</p><p>“you weren’t supposed to lick the dongo!!!” god bellowed.</p><p>“I’m so sowwy uwu” joj begged, praying super hard. but when joj got on his knees to pray bongo thought he was ready to give another bj so he stuck his dick in his mouth.</p><p>“bruh right in front of me??? really??” god wasn’t mad, he was just disappointed.</p><p>“we’re—<em>ah</em>—so sorry,” bongo moaned while his dick was still in joj’s mouth.</p><p>“but you’re clearly NOT. and now you must be punished—and not in a fun way. get out of the garden.”</p><p>*le gasp* “what???????” joj started to cry. “but I luv my plantoos.”</p><p>“too bad. go live somewhere else. lick the dick if you insist. but you’ve lost your chance at paradise. now bye-bye, platonic buddies.”</p><p>joj and bongo left the garden. “wow he’s in some deep denial about our relationship,” bongo said.</p><p>but joj was still crying. “I wanted a garden.”</p><p>bongo gave him a biiiiiiig hug. “it’s alright jojie, we can grow our own garden.”</p><p>joj’s eyes lit up. “really?????”</p><p>“really!!!”</p><p>joj was so happy he kissed bongo. then they kissed moar. and then they fucked again too. and as they fucked, the earth was so happy with their luv that a beautiful garden sprouted up all around them. and it was even better than the first garden because it was THEIRS.</p><p>and they lived happily ever after.</p><p>and they still met up with god for tea sometimes because god was a big ol’ sap and could never stop caring about them, just like they’ll never stop caring about each other &lt;3</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898790">dickteronomy</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufusrant/pseuds/sclerant">sclerant (rufusrant)</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
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